I've been thinking alot about resilience lately. How do we teach our kids that when the inevitable knocks come knocking - (as much as we would like to buckle them in safely we are all on a collision course of some type) - that the hardest and bravest thing to do is stand themselves up and keep on trucking?
Both boys are quite resilient in some ways, and totally vulnerable in others. As Big Brother rode his bike through the gate today he caught the edge of the wheel. He catapulted off onto the concrete, stood up and yowled. I was putting Little Brother into the car, so ran to pick him up.
'Where did you get hurt?' I asked him, looking for egg heads, or evidence of subdural haematomas.
' On the gate' He cried
'But where did you hit yourself?' I asked.
'On the concrete'
And then as fleeting as a rainbow at end of a sun shower, the trauma was gone. We got in the car, all fine and dandy.
Little Brother is very resilient too at this age, carrying no emotional baggage. Right in the moment of pain, he is inconsolable, then Mum ( or Dad's) cuddle is totally healing. Even if the physical evidence of the bruise or cut is visible for a few days, he has forgotten. He is the 3 second goldfish.
Big Brother is starting to understand the value of holding onto his hurts - demonstrated in his 'running to mum howling' techniques, when one of the other kids swipes or pushes him. Or even more soul destroying, snatches the toy he was playing with. He is learning there is something to gain from holding onto those moments that are not pleasant, they become emotional currency that has worth further than this precise moment.
Thinking about resilience as I've been writing this, I can now see we are already teaching them how to deal with their knocks. And not very well. Perhaps it would be a better idea if we took lessons from them, they seem to know already how to get up, dust off, move on.
Build a bridge and get over it, I heard my cousin Colin say once. Now I understand what he meant.
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