Rollercoaster peaked then hit that fast moving free fall. How many days to go?

Riding the roller coaster of hom-e-motions today with all the highs of a lycra junkie at a wanderlust convention and all the lows of a junkie. Denied her fix. And what is my fix? My fix is people apparently. Big hairy scary leery weary fairy... aloe Vera-y. People. Deary. I even like the beer-y ones when I am one.
Day one lock down and day three home school. I've been making a list of the things I wont need in lock down. Hung up my handbag behind the bedroom door. Wont need that sucker for a while except for my big weekly outing to a supermarket. Can someone please remind me next wednesday where I put it, ta. Also don't need a courier ticket that's be lolling around my desk for a few years. Or any ticket to any thing, any place any airplane, any time soon. All re-purposed for tooth flossing. I don't need a razor to shave my legs. I could use one but I'd have to give a shit.
I made an executive and highly personal decision that 52 hours was long enough to wear a set of clothes. Straight. Not given any decrees or guidelines, just saying.
I tried to work. Not much luck when they don't answer the phone. Next person I see outside my bubble after the bubble pops and we all go back to physical contact is GOING TO FEEL MY LOVE.
Strangely not feeling like hugging the people inside my bubble much.  I have an overwhelming feeling I am a failure as a mother late evening as I seem to have neglected to teach them how to wipe a bench, empty the compost, how to clean different types of dishes, stacking the dishwasher etc. Felt like a failure cause I cant teach math's either, or it seems keep all of them happy for any length of time - someone is always cross with me - and right now the only way I can keep them safe is by not letting them out the gate. I mean, the bar is low and I'm bent over backwards limbo-ing all around the house and still not hitting my KPIs for the day in any way.
The washing is still not folded so no changes there, I suddenly haven't had hours to precision fold my clothes like the pinterest ideas for lockdown page suggested. In fact, time is a vortex aimed to mess with my head with all its accelerating and decelerating warp warp .
But then a success. I finally got them off devices now conveniently called 'school work' and out the door at 1145 am only and hour and a quarter after I started yelling we are going to go. We had a burst of cardio up the bush track and I felt lucky we have such a precious place to breathe.
Then failure then success. A neighbourly 2m by 2m swim out to the buoy in the bay was a good way to burn off the angst from our first lockdown adult v adult  argument. Lets just say I was right. I hugged the buoy and rampantly infected it with my virus loving. If I had it. ( No symptoms, just don't anyone else touch it, that buoy with no togs on is mine).
Then a midday bath to check the news and eat lunch and bring my body temperature back up. Why am I holding onto old expectations of achievement when I so freely make and adopt other new rules?  ie  bathing as an anytime activity but other rules of married engagement stay the same.
The afternoon dragged on after that, another burst of work, and we made a video singing on the deck for homework. Tick for mum. the universe gives me a broken ukelele string one the first day of a national lockdown. Ironic. But not world stopping.
I haven't had a nap after three whole days straight at home ( wtf, time vortex?) and now I'm plain wingeing. Not a fungeon insight  today.
Notre dame was mocking me from the puzzle blitz so I shoved one piece into place down her majestic impeccable gob, as I drank my third glass of wine and secretly ate the jet planes while they played smash bros. I haven't watched any TV, learnt any languages, origami-ed any paper or jeans,
or achieved anything much at all.
One day in and I'm already nuts. Or just more obviously nuts to the people who have to bubble with me. I'm a fish in jelly. I'm a bear shitting in the woods with no-one watching. I'm, frankly, a pain in the arse. What if they, the people I love, come to this realisation too? After all these years of hiding it in the busy lifeness ? What if? Love you too.