I learned that the barrel went lower. There subterranean bunker system filled with barrels previously only suspected but available for further bottom scraping. Oh boy, I've heard of Pandora's box, this is isolation barrel opening down and down we go. The sludge of a lifetime awaits.
I learned that my war time response seems to be the oh, no the worlds turning to shit, oh no, everything is shit, oh no, I'm shit. Three easy steps to self despair. I've known for a while my bucket was pretty empty which is why I've made a few pre-virus changes in an attempt to stabilize my mental health. Can I be? - NO. Can I be kind? - No. Can I be kind to everyone else? Pheeew, barely. Can I be kind to m-/NO. It's called pinning your entire self esteem on the quality of your interactions with other people. Less interactions, less you know what.
At least the weather outside mirrored my learning as the rain pelted the windows and the temperature held its own pity party.
Saturday I learned that sleeping in, doing some puzzle, making corn fritters and napping helped.
Sunday I employed the old binge yourself happier lesson learned on a previous barrel scraping. We were going to watch Frozen 2 but ended up doing Stranger Things with my ten year old daughter. Am sure they are very similar. The rain eased for a while to allow us to escape up the bush track and a few minutes at Notre Dame after dinner gave me a glimpse of the river side path and the still waters beside. Not looking forward to piecing together those leafy trees and blue skies.
Monday morning. Normal non-routine. No school to worry about. Great.
By 9.37am, I've come up with a new measure of my day, something quantifiable, a goal I can really work on, graph progress and achieve in a specific measurable achievable realistic time- based way. It the number of minutes taken to go from waking up reasonable happy to C.I.L.L. - Covid Isolation Livid Level. Monday 30/3/20 - 97 mins.
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